If you’ve ever walked out of a therapy session thinking, “Why do I feel worse, not better?”—please hear this:

You are not doing therapy wrong. You are not broken. You are not backsliding.

You’re human. And you’re healing.

Most people start therapy hoping for relief: less anxiety, fewer intrusive thoughts, more clarity, better communication, steadier emotions. So when therapy stirs things up or feels heavier before it feels lighter, it can be confusing and incredibly discouraging. You might wonder:

• Is this normal?

• Is my therapist pushing me too hard?

• Why does therapy feel so hard right now?

• Am I having a setback?

• Shouldn’t I be feeling better by now?

If you’ve asked yourself any of these, take a breath. What you’re experiencing is common and explainable. And just because it feels uncomfortable doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

In fact, sometimes discomfort shows up right when something important is beginning to shift.

Let’s talk about why.

The Moment Things Shift: Why Hard Doesn’t Always Mean “Bad”

Think about how long you’ve been holding everything together—sometimes for years, sometimes for decades. You develop patterns, beliefs, survival strategies, and ways of managing pain that help you get through the day. Some of those strategies are brilliant. They kept you functioning. They protected you.

Therapy asks you to take a gentle look at that whole inner system—and sometimes even to let go of what no longer serves you.

And that… is a lot.

Imagine carrying a heavy backpack your whole life. You learned how to adjust your posture, tighten certain muscles, avoid certain movements, and pretend like the bag isn’t heavy because that’s what you needed to do.

Then you walk into therapy. And someone invites you to open the backpack.

Not dump it out. Not force it. Just open it.

And suddenly, things you’ve kept neatly packed away—hurt, fear, grief, memories, resentment, shame, confusion—shift a little.

That shifting can feel uncomfortable. Sometimes intensely so.

This is why therapy setbacks happen. This is why you may feel worse before you feel better. This is why a healing crisis can show up even when you’re doing everything “right.”

What Is a Healing Crisis? (And Why It Does Not Mean You’re Backsliding)

A healing crisis is what happens when old emotional material begins to surface so it can finally be processed instead of carried. It’s your system saying:

“Okay. I feel safe enough to loosen my grip a little.”

It can look like:

• feeling more emotional than usual

• increased anxiety after sessions

• irritability or sadness

• emotional “hangovers”

• feeling raw or exposed

• fatigue

• memories resurfacing

• questioning the whole process

• feeling like you're taking one step backward and two steps forward

And while it’s not fun, it is meaningful.

A healing crisis is often your nervous system realigning, not unraveling.

The Neuroscience Behind Why Therapy Feels Hard Sometimes

Let’s talk about your brain and body for a moment—because there’s nothing “all in your head” about this.

1. Therapy rewires neural pathways

Think of your brain as a network of well-worn paths. Therapy introduces new paths, and the brain has to decide which ones to keep. That’s neuroplasticity—and it often feels messy in the middle.

2. Your nervous system is adjusting to safety

If you’ve been in survival mode for a long time, safety can actually feel strange at first. Slowing down can feel threatening. Feeling can feel risky. Opening up might make your system say, “Hold on, is this okay?”

3. You’re feeling emotions instead of managing them

Many people walk into therapy with decades of practiced emotional suppression. When feelings finally begin to move, they move.

4. You’re challenging old beliefs

Therapy questions lifelong assumptions:

• “I can’t need anything.”

• “My feelings don’t matter.”

• “I should handle this alone.”

• “If I let my guard down, something bad will happen.”

These beliefs don’t go quietly.

5. You’re growing your window of tolerance

Emotional growth is like stretching muscles you haven’t used in years. It’s good. But at first it might feel sore, sensitive, and unfamiliar.

Yes, This Is What Progress Can Look Like

It’s incredibly important to know that therapy progress is rarely linear. In fact, it often looks like:

• clarity → discomfort → breakthrough

• insight → overwhelm → healing

• awareness → grief → relief

You’re not going backwards. You’re going deeper.

Sometimes, feeling a little worse for a moment is the emotional equivalent of cleaning out a closet: everything looks messier before it gets organized.

How to Tell Normal Therapy Discomfort from Red Flags

Not all discomfort in therapy is productive. Some is a sign of growth. Some is a sign that something needs shifting.

Here’s how to tell the difference.

Signs of a NORMAL therapy setback (healthy “healing crisis”):

• You feel emotionally tender but safe

• You understand why certain feelings are surfacing

• You still trust your therapist

• You can ground yourself outside of session

• The intensity comes and goes

• You feel movement, even if it’s messy

• You feel seen, supported, and understood

This is your system doing important work.

Signs something needs to be adjusted:

• You feel overwhelmed or unsafe most sessions

• You leave feeling confused or destabilized without support

• Your boundaries feel pushed or ignored

• Your therapist moves too fast or doesn't check in

• You’re reliving trauma without enough stabilization

• You consistently dread therapy without any relief

These are flags worth talking about directly. Good therapy is challenging, but it should never be chaotic or re-traumatizing.

You deserve to feel emotionally safe, even when the work is hard.

How to Care for Yourself During Hard Therapy Phases

You can support your system through these moments. A few ways:

1. Tell your therapist what’s happening

Therapists expect this. Truly. This isn’t a failure—it’s feedback.

2. Slow your pace

Healing isn’t a race. Your nervous system gets a vote.

3. Create an “after-session ritual”

This might include:

• a walk

• journaling

• a warm shower

• calming music

• gentle movement

• quiet time

• grounding techniques

Your future self will thank you.

4. Use regulation tools between sessions

Think breathing, grounding, sensory calming, co-regulation, stretching—anything that helps your system settle.

5. Practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism

You are doing hard, brave work. You don’t have to be perfect at healing to heal.

How Our Practice Supports You When Therapy Feels Hard

At our practice, we take a deeply trauma-informed, paced, and relational approach to therapy. That means:

1. Safety is always the first step

If you don’t feel safe, nothing meaningful can happen. We build that slowly and intentionally.

2. We adjust the speed to YOUR nervous system

Some people move quickly. Some need gentle, gradual steps. Both are valid.

3. We prepare you for emotional activation

We talk openly about why therapy sometimes feels difficult and how to navigate those moments.

4. We teach stabilization and regulation early on

You don’t need to white-knuckle your way through anything.

5. We welcome honest communication

If something feels too intense, confusing, or destabilizing, we recalibrate instantly. No shame, no judgment.

6. We walk with you—not ahead of you

Healing is not something you should ever have to do alone.

The Gift on the Other Side of Hard Work

When clients move through these challenging therapy phases—with support, pacing, and compassion—they often experience:

• a lighter emotional load

• clearer boundaries

• healthier relationships

• increased self-respect

• reduced anxiety

• more confidence

• fewer intrusive thoughts

• deeper self-compassion

• a steadier nervous system

• more space inside their minds and bodies

The discomfort doesn’t last forever. But the growth does.

If You’re in a Hard Phase Right Now, Here’s What I Want You to Know

You are not the only one. You are not failing. You are not going backward. You are not too much. You are not hopeless.

You’re healing. And healing—real healing—often feels like this:

Uncomfortable. Tender. Messy. Honest. Transformational.

And profoundly brave.

You don’t have to navigate the hard parts of therapy alone. Our team is here to support you, to help you understand what’s happening inside your nervous system, and to walk with you through every phase—especially the difficult ones.

You’re doing meaningful work. And you deserve support that honors that.