When the Lights Fade: Navigating Suicide, Depression & Loneliness During the Holidays
When the Lights Fade: Navigating Suicide, Depression &
Loneliness During the Holidays
By: Stephanie Baldwin, LMHC, Certified EMDR Therapist
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of warmth, connection, and celebration. But for many people, it can bring the opposite: a surge of loneliness, the echo of loss, the weight of expectations unmet, and sometimes, the darkness of suicidal despair. In this blog we’ll explore how depression, loneliness, and suicidal thoughts can intensify during the holidays, why they happen, what can help, and how you or someone you care about can find safety, support and healing.
Part 1: What’s Going On — Loneliness, Depression & Suicidal Thoughts at Holiday Time
Loneliness & Social Isolation
The holiday season places a spotlight on togetherness: family dinners, gathering of friends, traditions of giving and communal joy. For those who lack strong social connections, or who have loss, estrangement, or grief, the contrast between expectation and reality can be painful. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 66% of respondents reported loneliness around the holidays.
A recent article from the Mayo Clinic emphasizes that loneliness and social isolation are not just “unfortunate feelings” but have serious health implications — including increased risk of depression, anxiety, heart disease, and suicidal ideation.
One survey cited 55% of Americans reporting holiday loneliness, with the effect even stronger among LGBTQ+ people (76%), Gen Z (75%) and single adults (65%).
These data reveal how the holiday period can amplify pre-existing isolation and heighten emotional vulnerability.
Depression and the Holiday Blues
While many call it the “holiday blues,” for some people these feelings are more than temporary. The pressured schedule, increased social demands, financial burdens, comparison to idealized visions of the holidays, and the re-emergence of past losses or traumas can trigger or worsen clinical depression. NAMI found that 24% of people with diagnosed mental illness say the holidays make their condition “a lot” worse; 40% say “somewhat” worse.
A review in Psychology Today noted that although the data are limited, many adults report elevated stress, sadness, and anxiety during the holiday period — even if suicide rates do not significantly increase.
Thus, while the holiday season is often glamorized as joyful, for many it brings a mismatch between expectation and inner experience. The isolation and unmet emotional needs underlying depression may be magnified.
Suicide Risk & Myths
One of the most persistent beliefs is that suicides spike during the holidays. The truth is more nuanced.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) data show that December and November are actually among the months with lowest average daily suicide deaths in the U.S.
For example, a study by the Annenberg Public Policy Center found that despite the strong public belief that suicides increase at year-end, this is a myth.
This myth, while not helpful, does not mean risk disappears. The holiday season can still intensify feelings of despair, loneliness, and shame — and those already at risk for suicidal thoughts may be more vulnerable. The fact that suicides don’t spike doesn’t erase the pain many feel or the urgency of offering support.
Research shows several risk factors during the holidays that can converge: loneliness/isolation, grief or loss of loved ones, increased alcohol or substance use, disruption of regular routines, financial stress, and memories of past holidays.
Understanding these factors helps us move beyond myth and into effective prevention and care.
Part 2: Why the Holidays Can Be a Trigger for Suicidal Thoughts
Discrepancy Between Expectation & Reality
The message in media and culture is that the holidays are “happy,” “magical,” “together.” When our internal landscape does not match this message, feelings of shame, failure, resentment, or loneliness can surface. In one study, 40% of psychiatric emergency patients during the Christmas period reported loneliness; 38% said being without family was a key stressor.
The contrast between the idealized holiday and the lived experience can become a mirror for deeper wounds.
Loss, Grief & Memory
Holidays magnify absence. The empty chair at dinner, the missing laughter, the reminder of what once was — these can re-open old grief and trauma. Someone who lost a loved one, experienced a breakup, or lives far from family may feel those losses more acutely at this time.
Social Isolation & Belonging
Humans are wired for connection. The holiday season can heighten the sense of belonging for some — but also highlight disconnection for others. Data show social isolation has serious mental health consequences.
When we feel we don’t belong, when we think we are “left out” of the communal joy, the risk of depressive thinking and suicidal ideation increases.
Disrupted Routines & Elevated Stress
Holiday schedules often come with extra obligations — family gatherings, travel, budget pressures, increased alcohol use, disrupted sleep. For people with depression or suicidal vulnerability, this disruption can lower the capacity to cope. According to surveys, many people experience more stressduring the holidays due to time pressure, financial strain, and social demands.
Stress can trigger rumination, hopelessness, feelings of being overwhelmed — all known risk factorsfor suicide.
Shame & Self Judgment
In a season of giving and idealization, many people silently carry shame: “Others are happy; why am I not? I should feel better.” This internal dialogue can lead to further isolation and deepen depressive or suicidal thoughts.
Substance Use & Emotional Avoidance
Some cope by drinking more, using substances, avoiding feelings. Alcohol is a depressant and can lower inhibitions around suicidal behavior. Studies of holiday admissions show increased alcohol use and self-harm in some populations.
Avoiding emotional pain through numbing or substance can paradoxically deepen despair.
Part 3: Recognizing Warning Signs & Key Risks
Identifying risk is key. Some signs to watch for in someone (or yourself) include:
1. Marked increase in isolation, withdrawing from social contact;
2. Expressing hopelessness, burdensomeness (“I’m a burden,” “They’d be better off without me”);
3. Talking about wanting to die, saying goodbye, giving away possessions
4. Dramatic mood shifts (especially from despair to calm)
5. Increased substance or alcohol use, self-harm behaviors
6. Disrupted sleep or appetite, fatigue, loss of interest — especially if lasting more than two weeks (possible depression)
7. Previous history of suicide attempt or self-harm
8. Sudden behavioral changes, mood swings, intensified loneliness or shame
9. Loss of routine supports (therapy, meds, job, social circle)
Importantly: If you believe someone is imminently suicidal (has a plan, intent, means), treat it as an emergency: call 911, go to the nearest ER, or stay with them until help arrives.
Part 4: Healing & Support: What Helps During the Holidays
Reframe Expectations & Practice Compassion
Recognize that you’re human, not a holiday card display. You don’t need to be “cheerful.”
Lower the pressure: It’s okay to say “no” to events, to set limits, to grieve.
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel — loneliness, sadness, even anger at the holiday hype. Feeling is not failure.
Create & Maintain Connection
Reach out: Even a message, phone call, or shared meal (in person or virtual) can help.
Plan ahead: If being alone, schedule an activity, join a community event, or invite someone else who may be alone.
Check in with others: Often the best move is connecting with someone else who may feel lonely — co-regulation helps both sides.
Use technology responsibly: Video chats, online support groups, community dinners can reduce isolation.
Grounding, Routine & Self-Care
Maintain a basic routine: sleep, nutrition, movement, hydration.
Prioritise enough sleep — exhaustion amplifies depression and hopelessness.
Use body-based practices: mindful breathing, gentle movement, outdoors.
Limit alcohol/substance, especially if you’re feeling low.
Schedule “mini-appointments”: a short walk, a coffee with a friend, a moment of stillness. These micro-connections build resilience.
Express & Process Emotions
Journaling: Write how you feel, what you are noticing.
Creative outlets: Art, music, movement — especially when words feel stuck.
Rituals of loss: Create a moment to honor what’s missing — a letter to a lost loved one, lighting a candle, acknowledging grief.
Therapy: If you have a clinician, talk about the seasonal impact, loneliness and suicidal thoughts; don’t wait till crisis.
Crisis Planning & Support Resources
Create a safety plan: Identify warning signs, personal coping strategies, people to contact, professional help contacts, safe environments.
If you feel suicidal, reach out immediately: In the U.S., call or text 988 (the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). Outside the U.S., check your local resources or search for “suicide helpline [your country]”.
Useful websites:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) – resources for individuals and professionals
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – how to help others, myths and facts about suicide
Local crisis lines and walk-in mental health centers
Professional Help & Therapy
Don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help if you’re experiencing persistent depression, suicidal thoughts, or increasing isolation.
Therapists can help with targeted work: cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for depression, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for suicidal behavior, trauma-informed therapy when past trauma is a factor.
If you have lost someone to suicide, specialised grief therapy can help address trauma, guilt, isolation.
Build Future-Oriented Hope & Meaning
Shift the focus from “perfect holiday” to something meaningful: volunteering, helping someone else, creating new traditions. When we extend beyond ourselves, we feel less isolated.
Create a “look-forward” plan for after the holidays: a topic, hobby, goal, small retreat. This mitigates the “post-holiday letdown” which can trigger grief and depression.
If grief or loss is prominent, consider memory-narrative work: how to honor, not forget.
Acknowledging absence allows presence of longing, which lowers the risk of repression.
Part 5: What The Data & Research Say
According to the CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics, analysis of data from 1999-2010 found that December ranked lowest or second lowest in daily suicide deaths in all 12 years studied.
A review of holiday-blues data in Psychology Today confirms that while increases in depression, stress, and anxiety around the holidays are reported, there is not strong evidence of a consistent spike in suicides during this period.
Nevertheless, loneliness and social isolation remain strong risk factors for suicidal thoughts and behaviors — particularly for older adults, those living alone, those grieving, and those with mental illness.
The myth of “holiday suicides” can be harmful — it may normalize suicidal thinking as inevitable during holidays rather than preventable.
Research on self‐harm and psychiatric admissions during the holiday period show interesting patterns: some studies found fewer admissions near Christmas, but more severe presentations when they do occur.
Taken together, the data suggest that while holiday time itself is not uniquely defined by a surge in suicides, the period poses heightened emotional risk — especially due to loneliness, unmet expectations, grief, and disruption of routine.
Part 6: Supporting Others — What Therapists and Loved Ones Can Do
For Therapists & Mental Health Professionals
Assess seasonal risk factors: Ask clients about their holiday expectations, social support, prior suicidal thoughts, grief, isolation, substance use.
Build safety plans collaboratively: Identify triggers, coping resources, contacts for crisis, including holiday‐specific plans (what to do if feeling despair on a holiday night).
Reinforce connection: Encourage clients to reach out, engage with community, consider volunteering, schedule meaningful interactions.
Normalize feelings: Clients may feel guilt or shame for being unhappy during a season advertised as joyful. Validating this helps them feel seen.
Monitor loneliness: For clients living alone or separated from family, add intentional connection strategies.
Time-limited adjustments: Recognize that holidays can disrupt therapy schedules. Plan ahead for changes in availability and what to do if client feels destabilized.
Encourage portable coping: Clients may be away from their usual supports — ensure they have tools they can use in different settings.
Address myth of holiday suicides: Clarify reality to reduce shame or hopelessness; emphasise that help is available and risk can be mitigated.
For Loved Ones & Friends
Reach out before you assume others are OK. A simple message like “I’m thinking of you this holiday” can matter.
Invite without pressure: “Would you like to join me for a coffee or a walk?” rather than “You should come.” Let space remain optional but offered.
Listen actively: If someone expresses loneliness or despair, offer presence, not judgment.
Watch for changes: Sudden withdrawal, mood changes, talk of “not being needed” or “not wanting to be here” warrant attention.
Use reassuring language: “I’m here for you” rather than “You’ll be fine.” Offer to help make a plan (therapy appointment, crisis line).
Encourage professional help: If you believe someone might act on suicidal thoughts, don’t wait.
Offer to help them connect with help and stay with them until resources are activated.
Part 7: Sample Plan for Navigating the Holidays Safely
Here’s a sample plan you or your clients can use:
1. Identify 3 people you can contact if loneliness or despair hits (name, number).
2. Schedule at least 2 meaningful connections during the holiday period (virtual or in-person).
3. Plan a daily micro-routine: 30 minutes of movement/outside, 10 minutes of journaling or reflection, 8 hours sleep target.
4. Set boundaries: Decide ahead what you will say yes to and what you will say no to. Communicate your limits.
5. Prepare an emotional toolkit: e.g., favorite music, mindful breathing, onset warning sign list, distraction plan, crisis line saved.
6. Design a meaning-oriented activity: Volunteer, send a card to someone alone, create a memory ritual for lost loved one.
7. Make a backup plan: If you feel suicidal: call or text 988 (US) or local crisis line; go to ER; stay with someone; remove means of self-harm.
8. Reflect daily: “Today I felt ___, I reached out to ___, next time I will try ___.” Use this to monitor and respond early.
Part 8: Healing Hope – Stories of Connection, Repair & Meaning
While the holidays can trigger pain, they can also become a turning point. Here are ways healing finds root:
1. Sharing grief transforms invisibility: A person who lost a parent in December might create a new tradition to honor them, share memories with a friend, join a grief support group. This transforms loneliness into connection and meaning.
2. Offering to someone else reduces isolation: Volunteering at a soup kitchen, helping out a neighbor, or being a “holiday buddy” for someone else alone often yields positive effects for both the giver and receiver.
3. Micro-connections matter: A short walk with a friend, a video call to a sibling, a shared meal— even if different than expectation—can anchor you in belonging.
4. Therapy can shift internal narrative: Working with a clinician to re-frame “I am alone” into “I am connected in ways I choose” helps shift from reactive isolation to mindful outreach.
5. Small acts of self-care are revolutionary: Sleep, movement, limiting alcohol, checking in with feelings—these build resilience. When you care for yourself, you reinforce that you are worth connection.
Part 9: Resources & References
Support Resources
In the U.S.: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – call or text 988 (free, 24/7).
International: Search for “suicide helpline [your country]” orvisit https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/ for global listings.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) – education, support groups, survivor resources.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – holiday mental health tips, local chapters, helpline.
Online communities: For example, forums or peer-support groups for loneliness, bereavement, single adults, LGBTQ+ communities.
Therapists: If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, call your clinician, make an appointment, or go to your local emergency department.
Selected References
Annenberg Public Policy Center. “Suicides Don’t Spike Around the Holiday Season.”
National Center for Health Statistics. Fact or Fiction: Suicides Increase During the Holiday Season and Winter Months.
Mayo Clinic News Network. “Loneliness and social isolation through the holidays.”
National Alliance on Mental Illness. “Mental health and the holiday blues.”
Psychology Today. “What We Know About the Holiday Blues.”
Part 10: Final Thoughts — You Are Not Alone
If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of the holidays — the loneliness, the depression, the fear of not being okay — know this: you are not alone. You are seen, and help is available. The fact that thousands of people struggle during this period means we must do better — you deserve better.
Suicidal thoughts are a signal — your pain is real, your distress is valid, your life matters. Reach out.
Connect. Share. Even if you feel isolated, connection exists. Even if you believe you deserve to be alone, you deserve help. Even if you are surrounded by people and feel empty — the emptiness is not the end.
Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Then choose one small step toward connection, self-care, or professional help. The holiday season does not have to define your path. One moment of reaching out can shift your trajectory.
To everyone reading: May you find one spark of connection today. One call, one message, one moment of stillness, one small act of kindness toward yourself or another. That spark can become a lifeline.
Be gentle with yourself. Choose connection. Choose hope. The darkest nights do not last forever — and even in the darkest moments, a light can shine.